Josh Milligan

During the month of April, I was badly beaten on three separate occasions. These beatings came from a pair of black men, a pack of neo-nazis, and three young Jews.

The black men had been robbing me, and so I may have already been in for a beating. It might not have been so bad, though, if I hadn't attempted to explain to them how Nazism is the only way for black people to achieve full racial equality.

  A week later came the neo-nazis. I believe that the viciousness of this beating was largely brought about from the confusion that I had put in their heads. They had been on board when I praised Hitler, of course. But there was a definite change in their demeanor when I explained Hitler's plans to create global peace. Their perplexed looks were followed by hard fists, and I was in bed for six days afterwards.

Then there were the Jewish men. When people thing "Jewish Man", they don't typically think of violence. So this was a surprise to me. Unlike the last two beatings, this one didn't come from a direct conversation. I've learned that it's pointless to talk with Jews about Hitler. They're fed lies from the moment of birth, and they never stop believing those lies. But these men were listening from a nearby table, while I was telling a woman how tragic it is that Hitler's dreams for a better world had been dashed in 1945. That was when the Jewish group chose to get involved. Now, one good thing that I will say about these guys - they stopped beating me once I was on the ground. This was a courtesy that neither the blacks nor the neo-Nazis had extended to me.

I realized then that it was time to move on, and so I left for Mars two months later. Nobody on Earth was going to listen to me. There had been so many lies told for so long that those lies had become truth. It was impossible to break regular people out of that daze. But what about the people going to Mars? They. were free-thinkers (or so I believed). They would be willing to listen (or so I believed). That was the place for me!

Or so I believed.

I am on Mars now. I am currently being beaten by three men who have no ethnic, ideological, or religious affiliation. They are bonded solely through a desire to pound me into the ground.

One of them just kicked me in the head while I was on my knees. My upper body has landed gently on the asphalt, and I am given a moment's rest.

I have very strong bones.

You have to be tough when you love Adolf Hitler.

(FOR MORE OF JOSH’S ADVENTURES, READ “JOEY PANTOMIME - LIFE ON MARS”!!!!!)